1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
