i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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