Just cropdusted the office
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
