i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
