I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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