I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
