Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
