how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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