3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
