Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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