Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
