Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
