Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
