doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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