I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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