be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
