I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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