and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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