so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
