Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
