i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
