He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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