Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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