Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
