Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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