we're chasing vodka with high fives
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
