I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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