I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
