can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
