I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
