i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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