I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
