After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
