I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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