You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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