i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
