You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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