his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
