I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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