I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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