Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
