i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
