I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
