Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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