My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
