I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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