There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
