I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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