Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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