is wine microwaveable?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
