I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
porn star boner night. come get it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
