i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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