Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
