Can i not drive my cunt home
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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