I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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