Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
