two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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