You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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