Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can text with my tongue
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
