yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
