I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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