Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
