pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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