omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
