This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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