Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
