He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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