I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
