Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
