I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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