I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dick very happy bro
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
