I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
