I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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