I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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