and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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