Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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